Monthly Archives: July 2013

Happiness is a Skill and Can Be Learned

Happiness is a Skill and Can Be Learned

WeilMDOne of the Senior Peer Counselors recommended Spontaneous Happiness byAndrew Weil, M.D. because “neuroscientists have demonstrated that helping others activates the same centers i the brain involved in dopamine-mediated pleasure responses to food and sex. One study of more than 3,000 volunteers concluded that regular helpers are ten times more likely to be in good health than people who don’t volunteer.

Much of the book covered things I already knew: eat real food, mostly plants, not too much. Make sure you get plenty of Vitamin D, especially by having fun in the sunshine. Take fish oil, and go fishing. Play with your “animal companions” and spend time in nature. Meditate, don’t medicate (if possible).

Even though I took an 8 week course in Mindfulness Meditation and have listened to Jon Kabat-Zinn tapes till they were bald, I still struggled with what I was supposed to actually DO during meditation. Dr. Weil explained Mindfulness as “self regulation of attention.” Ah! Where your attention goes, your energy flows. I know that one.

He explained meditation as the “ability to maintain one’s experience in the present moment.” Oh, so Blank Mind isn’t the objective, just Beginner’s Mind. I know that one, too!

What was especially fascinating was how he used this to explain addiction. On page 140 he notes that early in his professional career, he studied drugs and addiction and became known as an expert in addiction medicine. He learned that options for the treatment of addiction are few.

Solving addiction at its root is hard because it demands restructuring the mind at its core, where we experience the distinction between conscious awareness and the objects of awareness, between the perceiving self and what is perceived.

This sounds a lot like “addiction is a spiritual disease.” But wait, there’s more. He continues

When people cannot stop reaching for the next snack chip or the next cigarette, it is as if the chips and cigarettes control attention and behavior. in reality, the mind gives its power and control to the objects of addictive behavior. Freedom from addiction comes with awareness of that process and the ability to experience the object as object, without projecting onto it any undue significance. This is the essence of the buddhist teaching that suffering comes from attachment, and to reduce our suffering, we must work to reduce attachment. Furthermore, Eastern psychology insists that thoughts are best experienced as objects of awareness, just like trees or birds in the world around us. We suffer emotional pain because we cannot stop attending to our thoughts, cannot stop seeing them as part of us and habitually giving them great significance. Yoga masters and buddhist teachers recommend a variety of methods to break our attachment to thoughts. Some are practices intended to shift the focus of attention to something else — to the breath, for example, or to images in the mind’s eye, or to sounds. Others aim to develop the power of attention and increase voluntary control of it or to promote awareness of the distinction between the self and thoughts.

He ways that meditation is a long-term solution to the core problel of confusing awareness wit the objects of awareness (including thoughts) and suffering as a result of attachment.

I have read several of Dr. Weil’s books and articles and watched him on TV. What I liked best about this book is when he talked about the dysthymia he suffered for many years, and role of rumination and isolation in the lives of writers. He talked about how he lived far out in the country, down rough roads that made it difficult to visit him, even with an invitation. He thought that keeping others far away protected them from his downcast moods.

In this book he reveals that in his late 60’s, he realized that the social isolation was not separate from his dysthymia and he “uprooted” himself from his long time home, sold his rural property and moved into Tucson. He went out to dinner much more often and invited others over frequently. His mood improved considerably. He noticed that the most searched term on his website was “depression” and resolved to write a book about it — or rather, about its opposite, Happiness.

Happiness is a Skill

He says that happiness is a skill and on page 66 he quotes Matthiew Ricard, a French Ph.D. in molecular genetics turned Buddhist monk

The mind is malleable. Our lives can be greatly transformed by even a minimal change in how we manage our thoughts and how we perceive and interpret the world. Happiness is a skill. It takes effort and time.

He summarized mind-oriented approaches to emotional well-being. Some key points and comments from me:

  • Understand that depressive rumination is a hallmark of depression and that thoughts are the major source of sadness, anxiety, and other negative emotions. Learn to “curate” your thoughts, as if one’s mind is a museum where we look at the same images over and over.)

     

  • CBT is the most time- and cost-effective form of psychotherapy for depression and anxiety.

     

  • Learn how to use mantras, chanting, mental imagery, and conscious breathing to break the grip of sadness, anxiety, stress or negative thinking.

     

  • Curate the sounds in your head with silence or music that makes you feel good, or the sounds of nature. Curate what you see. Limit TV and the Internet. Avoid needlessly distressing images like Fox News.

     

  • Make social interaction a priority. It is a powerful safeguard of emotional well-being. As prison wardens know, isolation is death.

I recommend this book.

Sonia Sotomayor

Sonia Sotomayor

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My sister Laura was born in San Juan, Puerto Rico when I was six years old. I was very happy going to school in San Juan, and I loved Puerto Rico. Laura told me to read this book about a Puerto Rican girl in New York City who rises to the Supreme Court of the United States through hard work, generosity, skill with people, and good luck.

The best chapters are at the end when she talks about how she distinguished herself, and the role diabetes type 1 played in her life. She connected deeply with people, and more than cared about what happened to them — she took action. But she was not a protestor. Even as a teenager, she believed in figuring out the problem and negotiating a solution that worked for all parties.

She was very good a recognizing opportunities and taking good advice when it was offered. This is how she got into Princeton on a full ride, much to the astonishment of others at her Catholic Bronx high school.

The book is written in simple sentences and small words, making it clear that she very clearly adjusts her speech to her audience. We get a glimpse of her legal writing and the complex sentence structure that reveals her prodigious mind.

In the back of the book, on page 255, she talks about the role of luck in her life. Her grandmother (Abuelita) played a pivotal role in her life, providing protection from her domineering mother and the providing unconditional love that would sustain her even after Abuelita’s death.

Sonia feels that, after her death, Abuelita’s protection increased, manifesting in

fortuitous interventions that would save my life in diabetic crises, to strange alignments of circumstances that have favored me unreasonably. Things that might easily have happened to me somehow did not; things that were not likely to happen for me somehow did. This seemed like luck with a purpose.

This made me think of Tich Nat Han’s devotion to his ancestors, and I started to wonder if our departed ancestors are part of the collective unconscious. Are they part of our unconscious desires that bubble up enexpectedly, sometimes wreaking havoc in our lives as we try to sort out unexpected needs?

Sonia doesn’t really talk about her friction with her mother until almost the end of the book, page 279. The chaos at home, and her mother’s over-protectiveness “drove her nuts.” She describes how her brother got her mother off her back by saying

Sonia’s never going to tell you anything, Mami, because you always overreact.

Sonia distinguished herself by seeing the gray area rather than taking a position and fighting for it. Evaluating each case individually. Watching people for the small “tells” that reveal unreliable statements. Relentless preparation so that the jury could reach the best answer.

A remarkable woman and a very interesting book. Recommended

Senior Peer Counseling Success

Senior Peer Counseling Success

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Eight weeks ago I started with my first Senior Peer Counseling client, a lady in her 70s who had recently left the hospital after a one-week stay and was feeling down. I was thrilled yesterday when she showed me this artwork that she created this past week.

Our goal is to get her more socially integrated so that she does not further stress her over-burdened daughter. I have not yet been able to get her to go to community activities in the senior community where she lives, and have not yet persuaded her to visit the Finley Senior Center which is fairly close to where she lives.

My great hope is to get her to enroll in the FREE semester-long art classes offered by SRJC in seven locations in the county, including a previously unknown (to me) campus near the intersection of Hwy. 12 and Fulton Rd.

I spoke with Judy Butler, who teaches this class at the Petaluma Senior Center. She was very kind and enthusiastic.

When I asked if my client, who does not have online access, could drop-in to check it out and register in class, Judy replied,

Hi, Anet – – Your client can sign up in class. The teachers will have the registration materials (very easy to fill out, plus no charge for class.) The names of the three teachers at the Wright site for fall are Adriane Hatkoff, Susan St. Thomas, and Judith Selby. They are all very experienced watercolorists and teachers, no doubt open to accepting art students working in other mediums. All your friend has to do is show up with her art supplies at whatever class schedule time works best for her. Drop-ins are also welcome (but they will probably be asked to fill out the basic reg forms (filed out only once for the whole semester). Sonoma County is filled with many experienced older artists, who thrive in this gorgeous wine country retirement area. I know, because I’m one of them)!

It would make me so happy to see my client in a semester-long art class with other seniors. I know they will see her talent and encourage her. I really think this would help her become more emotionally self-sufficient which would go a long way toward healing her relationship with her long-suffering daughter.

Pink Martini

Pink Martini

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Went to Green Music Center for the first time with (from left) Howard, Frances and Jason. We sat outside at table on a glorious Sunday afternoon, Bastille Day, and enjoyed the roast chicken Howard prepared, quinoa and other gluten-free food we brought with us, and wine purchased there. We got to take a peek into the main building which is sleek and modern and looks like high-end Ikea. I am looking forward to checking out the acoustics on Friday, August 23 when I see Yo Yo Ma in the Goat Rodeo Sessions. It’s great to see how many people support the arts in Sonoma County. I wonder how much it cost Victor LaCombe and his family to ring the gong before the performance?